“You are not your thoughts. You are the one who notices them — and once you can notice them, you can change your relationship with them.”
— Brian Whitchurch
The Big Idea
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) rests on one simple, powerful observation: our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours are all linked. A situation triggers a thought, the thought drives a feeling, and the feeling shapes what we do next — which then feeds back into what we think.
Most of the time this loop runs on autopilot. The good news? When you learn to slow it down and look at it, you get a choice. You can’t always change the situation — but you can change the thought you have about it, and that changes everything downstream.
The CBT Triangle
Thoughts
What you tell yourself about a situation
Feelings
The emotions and body sensations that follow
Behaviours
What you do (or avoid) as a result
Change any corner and the others shift too. CBT usually starts with the thought, because it’s often the easiest one to catch and question.
Common Unhelpful Thinking Patterns
These are the mental habits that quietly distort how we see things. You won’t relate to all of them — but most people have two or three that show up again and again. Just naming yours is a powerful first step.
All-or-Nothing Thinking
Seeing things in black and white, with no middle ground.
“If I’m not perfect, I’m a failure.”
Catastrophising
Jumping straight to the worst possible outcome.
“If I make one mistake, it’ll all fall apart.”
Mind Reading
Assuming you know what others are thinking — usually the worst.
“They didn’t reply, so they must be angry with me.”
Overgeneralising
Taking one event and turning it into a never-ending pattern.
“I failed once, so I’ll always fail.”
Emotional Reasoning
Believing something is true just because it feels true.
“I feel anxious, so this must be dangerous.”
Should Statements
Rigid rules about how you or others must behave.
“I should always have it together.”
Mental Filtering
Focusing only on the negatives and screening out the good.
“One bit of criticism ruined the whole day.”
Labelling
Pinning a harsh global label on yourself from one event.
“I made a mistake, so I’m an idiot.”
Your Thought Record
This is the core CBT tool. Next time you notice a strong, difficult emotion, work through these five steps — on paper if you can. Print this page and keep it handy.
1. The Situation
What happened? Where were you, who with, what was going on?
2. The Automatic Thought
What went through your mind? What were you telling yourself?
3. The Feeling
Name the emotion and rate it 0–100%. Notice it in your body.
4. The Evidence
What actually supports this thought? What doesn’t? Is there another way to see it?
5. The Balanced Thought
A fairer, more realistic thought. Re-rate the feeling — has it shifted?
Go Gently With It
This isn’t about “positive thinking” or pretending everything is fine. It’s about being accurate and fair with yourself — swapping the harsh, automatic story for one that actually holds up. Like any skill, it feels clunky at first and then becomes second nature.
Start with one situation a day. That’s it. Small and steady wins here.
When to Reach Out for Support
These tools are a great place to start. But you don’t have to do it on your own — please reach out if:
- Your mood or anxiety is getting in the way of daily life
- You keep hitting the same wall with self-help
- The difficult thoughts feel overwhelming or relentless
- You simply want someone in your corner
Having support makes the difference. That’s what I’m here for.
Where to Next?
If this guide was useful, the next step is putting it into practice with someone beside you. I offer free 20-minute consultations — no pitch, no pressure. Just a chat about what’s going on and whether we’re the right fit to work together.
Book a free consultation:
“The healer is already within you — I simply help you rediscover it.”
— Brian Whitchurch, FTWW